Kraken Not Stirred - The Confunk

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A public service announcement regarding the dangers of not following the "1" portion of the 3-2-1 rule when attending a convention.


I'm at the con and I'm feelin' alright
Lots of hot slave Leias here tonight
Go to a panel on The Walking Dead
And I'm wearin' my finest Malcolm Reynolds threads

Me and my nerds walk into the room
Back and to left, our heads go BOOM!
Damn! Our noses, we cover
What an incredible smell we've discovered

Something offends my olfactory senses
And I'm not tryin' to cause offences
But this room smells like Sasquatch's sweaty junk
It's the Confunk

This is a Public Service Announcement
This problem, it can be surmounted
If you don't know who I'm talkin' 'bout in the room
Then like the sucker at a poker table, it's about you

You're rank and it's makin' me ill
You're lettin' down the rest of your guild
Consider it an IRL side quest
Or the muggles will never let the aphorism rest

Your Federation uniform's a bit ripe
Way to promote that stereotype
You're never gonna get into Inara's trunk
You got the Confunk

To the Trekkies and the Browncoats
Please don't be afraid of the soap
To the Whovians and the MSTies
Don't forget to get your costume dry cleaned
First thing in the day
Before you let the Warriors come out to play
Lather up your bits
And bullseye the womprat you got in your pits
Bullseye the womprat you got in your pits
I said bullseye that womprat you got in your pits
Bullseye the womprat you got in your pits

I think they need to install a vent
At the Magic: The Gathering tournament
I'm glad you played that Ember Gale
But it doesn't help you with your shower fail


from Canadian Geek Band Sampler, released April 30, 2014
Music, Lyrics, programming, kitara and vocals by Mike Bryant



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